Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
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I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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