I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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