At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
