I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
