the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Come see our sink grown plant.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
