Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
