I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
