Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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