I love black thongs
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
