you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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