It's like God shit irony all over that family
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
