I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just tell him i said nine months
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
