Four minutes until I can fart!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
