woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Come share oat with me in your robe
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
