She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize