I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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