I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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