Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
