im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
