we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize