Already got asked if we're dating
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
