God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
