so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude i'm inner monologue high
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
