We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
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My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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