I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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