so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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