Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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