anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
