I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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