final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
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How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
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You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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