Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
