So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
