that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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