but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
