I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
