some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
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he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
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We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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