your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just puked most of my soul out..
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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