After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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