life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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