Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
