Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she told me i tasted like america
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
