Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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