Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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