i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
