is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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