I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
