I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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