My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
