Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
