I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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