I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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