her vagine was all disorganized.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
