We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if only i could text you this smell
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
