I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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