Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
