marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
