I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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