I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
