There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
