Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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