I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.