Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
