well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize