I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize