R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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