soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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