guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
