You're my little dorito
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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