Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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