He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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