The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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